This article is made-up from excerpts from the book "Stress Breakers" by Helene Lerner.
Tongue-tied or talking too much? Furstrated or indecisive? On edge or downright outraged - often at inappropriate times? Most likely the cause is stress. A certain amount of stress is good; it's a challenge and a motivator. But enough is enough! and too much can lead to dangerous emotional and physical imbalances. That's when you need Stress Breakers - quick, portable techniques and tags of wisdom, all designed to ease the tension in your everyday life.
As a child, you took your "stress breaks" naturally. When you felt antsy, you raced around and wore out your restlessness. When you were fretful, you fell asleep. When you were grumpy, you went off by yourself until you felt tranquil again.
You restored your equilibrium intuitively because you didn't resist taking whatever calming action was necessary. You weren't in the prison of adulthood, sentenced to a stress term by words like "should," "hurry up," and "everybody." You gave yourself permission to take an intermission.
Now, as an adult, you have to re-learn to relax.
Before beginning, understand that the first and most crucial step is AWARENESS. You must grasp the simple, but key concept that you are stressed because you are stressable. That is, IT IS YOUR REACTION TO A SITUATION THAT STRESSES YOU, NOT THE SITUATION ITSELF.
Being aware of your emotional-physical self means understanding that you have a choice about the way you feel. And you can learn to take charge of your reactions.
Anger almost always brings stress unless you become a pro at letting go. When the guy who's been tailgating for ten minutes finally passes and then slows down in front of you, irritation is a natural response. But check your feelings: Are your feathers mildly ruffled, or are you in such a rage that you tailgate him to get even? Then ask yourself this: Is the tailgater the only target of your hostility, or is it open season on the highway? The "what's your hurry?" senior citizen, the lane-changing trucker, the teenager beboppin to her radio's rock beat - are they compatriots on the commuter trail or offenders impeding your progress? Honest answers to these questions will give you an indication of the intensity of your anger affliction.
Taking charge of anger, as with any emotion, begins with awareness. When you're storming or in a stew, don't dwell on what you'd like to call someone, zero in on how you feel. Stop and admit: "I'm angry."
Next, understand that anger is NOT bringing about a change for the better in the circumstances you're angry about. Giving a driver the international high-sign seldom makes him apologetic and cooperative. Yelling at your daughter for painting her punk haicut purple rarely gets the response. "You're right, Mom, Dad How could I so thoughtlessly embarrass you by following such a foolish fad!"
If you think about it, on any given day the person you talk to most is yourself! This silent, one-way conversation may range from commenting on the weather to encouraging yourself in the face of a difficult task.
What you say to yourself can make the difference between creating tension and helping you cope with stress in a productive manner. In other words, the voice within can be your best cheerleader or a never-satisfied critic.
By using your thoughts in a positive, encouraging way, you can break this cycle.
The first step is to become aware that you do indeed engage in Negative Chatter. For example, when you wake up to three feet of snow and your car is a gaargantuan cupcake, you finally dig it out and the battery's dead, then "Gee, it's a great day!" probably will not be your first thought.
The chatter runs like a negative commentary from what Dr. Christian Schriner calls your "Internal Problem Finder." Most of the time you're unconscious of this personal diatribe which affects your whole being, but you can train yourself to stop it.
Check your thoughts throughout the day, especially when you're feeling angry or depressed. Stop what you're doing and take a look at what you're telling yourself. It's probably some slur at yourself that only makes the problem worse: "How could I be such a (ninny, dumbell, fool, clod, turkey, etc.)?" "What a stupid mistake!"
Knowing you have negative thoughts can lead to choosing constructive ones instead. Whenever you hear yourself saying, "I can't.....I won't.....I don't" - STOP! Re-think the sentence and substitute "I can....I will.....I do!"
"What a stupid mistake!"
Knowing you have negative thoughts can lead to choosing constructive ones instead. Whenever you hear yourself saying, "I can't.....I won't.....I don't" - STOP!
Another hint to help you choose positive thoughts is to ACCEPT WHAT CANNOT BE CHANGED.
In addition to ridding your mind of Negative Chatter, when in distress learn to throw yourself a Life Saver, a simple, positive saying which has meaning for you and brings immediate support. Life Savers are phrases that have worked for before; repeating them to yourself generates feelings of calm - something like grabbing for a security blanket.
Some classic lines which have worked for many people are:
EASY DOES IT , BUT DO IT
ONE STEP AT A TIME .
FIRST THINGS FIRST.
WHAT ARE MY PRIORITIES?
KEEP IT SIMPLE.
Did you know that relaxation imagery is a vital part of the training of world-class athletes, including many in the United States and the Soviet Union? Believe it or not, taking time to relax, to break stress, improves a person's overall performance.
One way to be your own relaxation therapist is to imaine the place where you feel most peaceful and keep a picture of it nearby. And grab hold of a peaceful feeling.
For some people the scene is a tropical cove or a tide-smoothed beach at dawn. For others it's a meadow with a meandering stream or the strong shoulders of a mountain range. Still others will picture peace in the varnished tables of the public library or the stained glass window in a chapel. Whatever you are instinctively drawn to is the picture for you.
Do you clench your fists? Bite your fingernails? Curl your toes? Twist your hair? Take antacids? All of the above? Now is the time to take a stress break instead.
You can do this by practicing the Stress Breaker exercises called Energizers, ever ready relief techniques that involve deep breathing. Breathing comes before food in the hierarchy of human needs. It is literally the force of life. Learn to breathe deeply and "the force will be with you."
Close your eyes and relax your facial muscles. Begin to breathe deeply as you count down slowly from ten to one. Pay attention to the long inhalations and exhalations of your breath. Feel your stomach going OUT as you inhale and IN when you exhale. Notice the air flowing through your nose.
How can you remember to breathe deeply - instead of holding your breath - in the middle of crisis? One way is to keep a cue card (BREATHE!) in sight - on the desk, refrigerator, steering wheel - wherever you can count on encountering stress. Once you make this Stress Breaker a part of your life, you'll use it automatically.
(.txt)